The Big N-O

Let's be honest. We, as animals, are often ruled by baser instincts at times: need to procure food, need to perpetuate the species, the "call of nature," etc. But I have a need most of you do not, a need... for mischief! I thrive on trouble, revel in destruction and laugh at discipline! I see something and no matter how hard I might try (if I try at all) I cannot resist the sweet siren song of a stray receipt, a fallen sock or even something as simple as a dust bunny. I want them all in my mouth, every last one of them. Momma does her best to create a "pug zone" in the rooms where I am allowed so as to minimize my ability for trouble but occasionally there are slip ups and oh what joyous days those are! But Momma keeps saying this word that has zero meaning to me and its spelled N-O.

From what I can loosely gather by contextual clues, "no" means I'm not supposed to do something or I'm supposed to stop doing whatever it is that Momma doesn't like. The problem is, everything that I hear associated with NO is so. freaking. AWESOME! How am I supposed to stop barking at wind against the window when its awesome? How can I be expected to not try to mess with that grocery bag when it smells like food and is therefore awesome? How cant I NOT sneeze all over Momma's cheeseburger because I think it'll gross her out then I can eat the whole thing which would be MEGA AWESOME?! I don't think Mom's thought this whole "no" thing through at all. Imagine if we could talk for a second. Imagine us saying "no" to all the things we didn't like! No to baths and toenail clippings, no to wrinkle cleaning and ear swabbing, no to tooth brushing and wearing clothes! Civil canine disobedience could be a movement! Next time your parents yell "NO" do like I do: look them in the eyes to acknowledge you heard them, then keep on doing what you're doing! Together we can take back the power! Be like this dog!